THE TOP TEN.....

TOP TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A COP:
1) Sorry officer, I really didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
2) What do you mean by have I been drinking?? You are the trained specialist. You tell me?
3) WOW, you must've been doing 130 to keep up with me, well done, im impressed.
4) Well, when I reached down to pick up my license, my bag of crack split open, and my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
5) I was going to be a cop, but then I decided to finish high school instead.
6) Wow, you look awfully familiar. You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.
7) I was trying to keep up with all this traffic, and yes, I know there is no other car around me, that's because they are so far ahead of me.
8) Hey is that a 9mm, thats nothing compared to my 40mm.
9) I always thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
10) Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds??

TOP 10 FUNNY THINGS HEARD ON A BUS:
1) A frying pan for $1, must be something wrong with it.
2) A pony is NOT a form of transportation.
3) Don't worry. Someone is bound to have a Swiss Army Knife.
4) Bikes were not invented for my body shape.
5) I feel sorry for my brother - the ugly, smelly, slobby one.
6) He's got a lovely soft Irish accent. He sounds like a cheese.
7) I think my Dad must be a virgin.
8) I had to chat up three loads of women before they'd let me into the club
9) Denise Richards is one of my clients, i do her garden.
10) he learnt his english from the song lyrics of Katy Perry

TOP 10 THINGS WOMEN SHOULDN"T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT
1) Eating a slab of chocolate while on a diet.
2) Buying 3 new pairs of shoes after cleaning out your closet to make more space.
3) Using your 'assets' and charm to get you out of a speeding ticket.
4) Calling in sick when you are having a REALLY bad hair day.
5) Leaning over the side of ther bar, exposing your 'girls', so that you can get a drink quicker.
6) Expecting your date to pay the full bill and buy you flowers on top of that.
7) Being a stay at home house wife, and having 'lunching' and 'shopping' as an occupation.
8) Eating when you are happy, sad, angry, inlove or when you're not even hungry.
9) Watching 'Titanic' for the 100th time and replaying the scene where she cries "come back Jack, come back".
10) Changing your outfit 5 times before you go out to grab lunch, in order to find the 'perfect' look, just incase you bump into "the one".